Melancholy

Really, I'm feel melancholy now when I saw my friends' picture at facebook. I don't know why I felt that but I think that they have meet new friends and I just sit at home become neet.

Not say that I don't want to go out from home but by myself is so lonely. Now, my friends all studying in another country. Many of them have separate and did not have time to come back here.

Well, I just working and no continue study so I did not meet new friends.

Sometimes I wish I continue study but sometime I don't. I don't like troublesome work like assignments or exams. But, I would like to meet new people and make new friends.

I really don't have a friends that really with me shopping or going holiday to other places.

That's sound depressing. 

Normal CNY

This year is a depressing Chinese New Year. I might say its boring. Nobody is free to go out visiting or nobody invite me. I must say this year CNY have many incidents happen. Haiz.......

Every year is always like that. Blame my ADHD or ADD. I do not know which I have. Let's put these a side.

This year my family as you can say are sick with either cough or flu. Last year is me the one that get sick. I do not know I should happy or no. Well, this year is a boring CNY. And nobody answer me when I ask when want to go out. They might going back to their university life now.

Haiz....I kinda irritated when my dad always ask why I'm did not going out with my friends. It's like a reality push to my face. Kinda disappointing when I saw others take pictures with gangs.

Disappointed

I cannot have high hope on my friends, any of them because it will crush my dreams. It make my chest hurt a lot. This is life but welcome to my life. Why our friendships become like a fragile thread that can break anytime. Sometimes I say this is how human live. If don't have hurt then don't have love.

I hope we can close our distance but that is just my dream and it will never realize.

~Fade Away~

When we walk together side by side
Even though we are close together
I can feel the distance that exist between us
So far and far away
I can't held it in my palm
But I can't feel it anymore

I am alone in the darkness
Feel so lonely and scared
My whole body is numb
My heart break in pieces
Like a broken glass
My tears fallen down my chin
Onto the ground

The rain fall down
As if it feel my sadness
I was crying
Shouting out of my hurtfulness
I am alone
Sitting on the wet ground
Without anyone to comfort me
So that I will harden my heart
And masked my feelings
All together
So that I will not hurt again

I'm Feeling Down

Yesterday was my birthday but I don’t feel happy at all. Well, I expected this situation every year because I hate my birthday near Chinese New Year. Really I am sick so my mood is not that good.

The reason that I hate that yesterday because my friends always whispering to each other every time.  When they went to visiting, they sat together but they did not talked to me or anything. Well, I kinda hurt a lot. But, I can adapt that because they are my friends.

Besides that, they talking about the things that they don’t want anybody to hear. When I’m sitting next to them, they still talking on themselves. Really, am I an invisible people that you have to ignore me.

Many people said that they separated into groups but I think about it. We also doing the same things with them. Two people whispering to each other, other group was talking about somethings else. They don’t have the qualification to say someone.

I have long realize this. But, I don’t want to admit it. Every time  I saw them talking like this, I want to say in their faces and angry at them. Thinking about this make me depressed and sad. Well, the boys are always stay in one group. I think I shouldn’t complain that much but I cannot help it when I saw it every time.

My friend asked me why I’m very quiet. My heart wanted to shout out but I just shook my head and smile a fake one. I am a two-faced person. Outside I am energetic and smiling but inside I am sad and crying. I never felt so lonely. Really, what an eventful birthday. Why I still together with them that the answer I don’t know. Maybe they are still my friends even though they have their own faults. But, I don’t think I can stand on mentality.

Tomorrow is CNY

Haiz...I don't feel the excited of Chinese New Year celebration. In fact, I feel normal, well as normal as I can. Maybe I just looking forward to use my new clothes and going out with my friends. But recently I can't help the feeling of lonely. It is because my birthday is nearing and every year I'm feeling like that.

I don't know why but I feel sad whenever that day is nearing. Because every time is not happy as I expect and all of my friends is not feel at all. I really hope that this year will be different. Even though my relative come and celebrate together but it will be the same as eat together. I not really close to them too. So, in their eyes I am a shy and quiet person. Really I am more to naughty, playful and sadistic person.

I can't really blame them actually. So I really hope that that day I will have a lot of fun together with my friends. And I hope the surprise that Chai Ying said will success.

Darkness

I just want to be what I want to be
A normal person
A normal life
I living in a lie
In the darkness
That sink me deeply
No living heart
No sound
No light of source
Just darkness that overpower my light
Destroy the balance of my world
Thus
The day will end
In darkness

HECK~~

Recently I have a slight headaches.....
Just think about exam it will make me faint.
I don't want to study too.
I just don't know what want to do.
I want to go out and play with my friends.
Like swimming, singing, dancing, playing and others things.
But they like to boring not to do this kind of this.
Some say that I should change friends.
Heck...I almost did.
Actually I did because they not care for me like others.
Just the four of them talking without me and my partner.
That's very sad.
Maybe I should change.

Bird in the cage

A lonely girl was sit in front of the computer......
and nothing do to...

just...sit there.....
her face was facing the computer........
and thinking........
'what I want to do?'.......

her boring face.......
and lonely face......

when she cry.........
nobody was her side.......
when she laugh.....
some friends share with with her....

but.......
she has no one......
and she cry lonely.....

one day.....
a blaze of wind......
came with some.......
white beautiful feathers......
shattering around the ground......

waiting for the girl......
and sang a song......
that made she happy......

but the happiness......
did not last for long....

but.....
and at last......
she was happy.......