Melancholy

Really, I'm feel melancholy now when I saw my friends' picture at facebook. I don't know why I felt that but I think that they have meet new friends and I just sit at home become neet.

Not say that I don't want to go out from home but by myself is so lonely. Now, my friends all studying in another country. Many of them have separate and did not have time to come back here.

Well, I just working and no continue study so I did not meet new friends.

Sometimes I wish I continue study but sometime I don't. I don't like troublesome work like assignments or exams. But, I would like to meet new people and make new friends.

I really don't have a friends that really with me shopping or going holiday to other places.

That's sound depressing. 

Normal CNY

This year is a depressing Chinese New Year. I might say its boring. Nobody is free to go out visiting or nobody invite me. I must say this year CNY have many incidents happen. Haiz.......

Every year is always like that. Blame my ADHD or ADD. I do not know which I have. Let's put these a side.

This year my family as you can say are sick with either cough or flu. Last year is me the one that get sick. I do not know I should happy or no. Well, this year is a boring CNY. And nobody answer me when I ask when want to go out. They might going back to their university life now.

Haiz....I kinda irritated when my dad always ask why I'm did not going out with my friends. It's like a reality push to my face. Kinda disappointing when I saw others take pictures with gangs.

School Dinner

Last night I was having fun with my classmate and schoolmate at Heliconia Banquet Restaurant. We ahving dinner at the restaurant and I have taken many photo of my friends and myself. But, one thing I was disappointed was the prom queen. Because the prom queen should be upper form six but not lower form six. The dinner is specially for upper form six because they going to be graduate this year.

Well, they still have next year to complete but we don't have anymore. I kinda disappoint in this. But, I cannot change it. What can I say? Nothing.

Forget these things. Yesterday I take photo till I very tired. When I went home and after I take a bath, I went straight to sleep. I'm so tired and my legs is painful. Maybe I should bite my high heels before I used it.

Celebrate my friend's birthday~

Today is my friend birthday but she is still at Singapore until night then she aboard flight. 7.15pm like that she have reach airport then we celebrate birthday with her. Well, we expect her to be surprise but then she has guess we have plan when her brother phone her that afternoon. *sighing* Thought of want to surprise her, it is a failed attempt but I think she is happy and sad. Maybe one of my friend say it right because she expect many people to come and pick her. Well, I am happy though. We did not eat the cake but give it to my friend so that her family can eat it together. Our stomachs are still full of french fries and buggers at McDonald.

Disappointed

I cannot have high hope on my friends, any of them because it will crush my dreams. It make my chest hurt a lot. This is life but welcome to my life. Why our friendships become like a fragile thread that can break anytime. Sometimes I say this is how human live. If don't have hurt then don't have love.

I hope we can close our distance but that is just my dream and it will never realize.

Pains....

I wonder why they don't want to go out when I ask them. Some straightforward say no to me, I still can accept it but two of them always say very lazy lah or what lah. That are the excuse I dislike. Well, I know some of them are very busy with school work not like me.

Sometime I should tell them my frustration of their reject. But it is difficult to say especially I will cry after I say finish. Haiz....I hope I can faster learn driving then I can go out with opposed someone to bring me.

Haiz.......==

I am not excited about tomorrow party. I feel like it gonna same as before or even worst than before. I mean last time every party I feel everyone talk to their gangs and not as a group. Sometimes I feel disappointing with this action. But what can I say? I am an antisocial people. Even my friends find that I always very quiet. By the way, sometimes I feel awkward when I together with them. But, I overcome it easily, maybe not that easy.

Sometimes I wonder did they notice my behavior or no. Or they just don't care about it. Well, it is obvious that I not always together with them anymore and they also rarely invite me out. Are they the one that change or I am the one that change? Maybe I should ask other people.

Now, I am not looking forward to the party anymore. In fact, I feel depress when I think about it.

Troublesome works

Really sometimes I don't like to be a leader or an organizer. They never hear what I say and that make me frustrated every time. My friends always half agree when I ask her to go out together. Well, if she have said earlier maybe I can accept it. But after agree then disagree without reasonable excuse, I don't like it. I hate it actually. I wish I can drive car or have a license so that I can bring my friends. So, she cannot escape from not going out with us.

Sometime friendship is a friendshit.

~Fade Away~

When we walk together side by side
Even though we are close together
I can feel the distance that exist between us
So far and far away
I can't held it in my palm
But I can't feel it anymore

I am alone in the darkness
Feel so lonely and scared
My whole body is numb
My heart break in pieces
Like a broken glass
My tears fallen down my chin
Onto the ground

The rain fall down
As if it feel my sadness
I was crying
Shouting out of my hurtfulness
I am alone
Sitting on the wet ground
Without anyone to comfort me
So that I will harden my heart
And masked my feelings
All together
So that I will not hurt again

I'm Feeling Down

Yesterday was my birthday but I don’t feel happy at all. Well, I expected this situation every year because I hate my birthday near Chinese New Year. Really I am sick so my mood is not that good.

The reason that I hate that yesterday because my friends always whispering to each other every time.  When they went to visiting, they sat together but they did not talked to me or anything. Well, I kinda hurt a lot. But, I can adapt that because they are my friends.

Besides that, they talking about the things that they don’t want anybody to hear. When I’m sitting next to them, they still talking on themselves. Really, am I an invisible people that you have to ignore me.

Many people said that they separated into groups but I think about it. We also doing the same things with them. Two people whispering to each other, other group was talking about somethings else. They don’t have the qualification to say someone.

I have long realize this. But, I don’t want to admit it. Every time  I saw them talking like this, I want to say in their faces and angry at them. Thinking about this make me depressed and sad. Well, the boys are always stay in one group. I think I shouldn’t complain that much but I cannot help it when I saw it every time.

My friend asked me why I’m very quiet. My heart wanted to shout out but I just shook my head and smile a fake one. I am a two-faced person. Outside I am energetic and smiling but inside I am sad and crying. I never felt so lonely. Really, what an eventful birthday. Why I still together with them that the answer I don’t know. Maybe they are still my friends even though they have their own faults. But, I don’t think I can stand on mentality.

Tomorrow is CNY

Haiz...I don't feel the excited of Chinese New Year celebration. In fact, I feel normal, well as normal as I can. Maybe I just looking forward to use my new clothes and going out with my friends. But recently I can't help the feeling of lonely. It is because my birthday is nearing and every year I'm feeling like that.

I don't know why but I feel sad whenever that day is nearing. Because every time is not happy as I expect and all of my friends is not feel at all. I really hope that this year will be different. Even though my relative come and celebrate together but it will be the same as eat together. I not really close to them too. So, in their eyes I am a shy and quiet person. Really I am more to naughty, playful and sadistic person.

I can't really blame them actually. So I really hope that that day I will have a lot of fun together with my friends. And I hope the surprise that Chai Ying said will success.

I watch an old movie

I don't know what mood am I but I watch Final Fantasy Advent Children Complete. Like I just say I don't watch Final Fantasy even play the games but I can't help. Cloud is too cute like a chocobo~!!!!

And the fighting scene was great in blue-ray but I can't find the disc anywhere. The movie was airing in 2009. Hell, that was outdated isn't it? O.O

Maybe I kinda boring to stay at home and wait for my friends to call or just wait for next year. Shit, don't say my friends, they too busy at work and I purposely left a month to go out with my friends because next year is going to be very busy with collage and work if my dad allow me to go collage. *mumbled many curse under my breath*

Sorry about that when I get angry I attempted to curse a lot and muttered many.......bad words. ^^

CNY is the WORST DAY this YEAR!!!!!

Yes, I hate CNY!!! I fucking Hate it!!!
Every year and everyday I hate that day. Even though it fun and this year not fun.
Because of what??!! Because of SPM!!!!
They tuition everyday and their parents very strict too.
They wouldn't out because they busy of studying!!!
Even you are studying, you also can go out with friends right. If not your head will explosive with freaking knowledge!!!!
And you be C.R.A.Z.Y!!!!!
This like one of my friends very negative and have no confidence.
I also have no confidence but I still have some fun (maybe).
This is why I hate adult. Sometimes I hope that I forever teenage.
Next year is my year to be at hell.
Speak to CNY, I hate it!!

Not so Fun~

Yeah...yeah...
Today I go to k-box with my friends and its so not fun about it.
Because what I don't know myself.
Maybe they always sing and I can't sing.
Haiz.....
When until sotong favorite song, she will shout "I WANT TO SING!!! I WANT TO SING!!!"
And snatch the mic............*drop sweat*
And the room is damn cold!!!
I almost freezing inside and shiver none stop.
We even call the service and order four blanket.
First I was high and exciting but at the end everything is collapse.
Happiness is gone!!!
Hell I too tired to say something and I want to sleep too~~

HECK~~

Recently I have a slight headaches.....
Just think about exam it will make me faint.
I don't want to study too.
I just don't know what want to do.
I want to go out and play with my friends.
Like swimming, singing, dancing, playing and others things.
But they like to boring not to do this kind of this.
Some say that I should change friends.
Heck...I almost did.
Actually I did because they not care for me like others.
Just the four of them talking without me and my partner.
That's very sad.
Maybe I should change.